the confession of me...

it's been a long time since my last post in this blog...

today is 31st of december...

a new year is gonna start...

i've been through a lot of experience this year...

now that i recall back...

im thinking some decision that i made could be wrong...

the most valuable experience i had which i could nv forget...

i finally manage to communicate with girls...

and...i even start wooing u...

i dunno how i did it...

but im glad of it...

but...things change...

i can't wait u forever...

all i could said was...

im sorry i've been disturbing u for the past 7 months...

i really appreciate the time we were together...

but i think i shud not continue wasting time for u...

from now on...

i would try not to text u...or even pm u in msn...

that was the least thing i could do...

and slowly i'll leave from ur life...

i could not forget the seconds we had yesterday...

juz after our finals...we went out together...

although it's rather a boring outing...

but it's probably the last time im going out with u...

i asked u again face to face...

u still give me the same question...asking me to wait...

and im the fool who still dun get it...

it's jz an excuse for u to delay it...

now that im more awake now...

so i guess...i shud end it...

that's my confession...

swt...update my blog after 1 week...==

emo...

i kept thinking the same question...

why wouldn't u reject me???

if it's that hard for u...

why dun u juz reject?

why???

i wont give up until u reject me...

heard some news today bout some guy commit suicide bcoz his gf somehow dumped him...(not very sure the incident)

he posted a post jz b4 he commits suicide..

many would said that his act is stupid...

but...to me...i think he's somehow brave...

doing something that i wont hav that courage to do so...

of coz...some may said..."u got that courage to kill urself...

but why dun hav that courage to face the problem?"

those r juz ppl who nv really experienced the problem...

did u noe to face the problems actually much more harder than dying?

this is the true example of falling someone  truly and deeply...

u would do anything for that someone...

i really salute him...

i won't follow his steps...yeah...im afraid of death...

probably bcoz i dun fall for u too much...

sem 3 coming soon...kinda happy with my timetable coz...i'll meet u more often...but this time got no break already...cant go out with u already...

nvm...let's juz see our  fate then...

nitez!~

hmm...here i am again...

yo~ sorry...kinda busy nowadays...cant find a time to blog...

i'll juz skip the days i missed since ntg much happened...

this morning...as usual...monday morning...

gosh...it's extra hard to wake up during mondays...

since it's the day whr we first start our class...

but somehow~ i managed to force myself to wake up...

bcoz...today's chemistry lab session is the only class i had in common with u...

gonna appreciate it...

so...i went to school...saw u...

im kinda tired actually...so...

din talk much to u...

then when class ended...we got 3 hours break...

so...we decided to go 1 utama~

when i was on my way to get my car...i saw...SHAWN!!! hahaha

he's acting cute asking me to bring him together...

"come on...u noe i wont bring u rite? haha"

sorry shawn...=)

"yeah~ going out with u again...happy^^..."

that's wat im thinking at that moment...haha...

this time the "u" refers to...of coz...u noe who...haha...not SHAWN a!!! ^^

so...basically we went 1u...walk walk...

then...u saw an advertisement...

there's a guy who looks kinda idiotic and fat...

u made fun of me...saying i look like him...

"come on lar...im not fat ok..."

that's why i told her...

then she keep laughing...

i started poking at her arm...*i like to do that to her^^*

i keep doing that until it's time for us to go back...

then we get in the car...u continued making fun of me...

i poke u again...but then this time u tried to block me...

then...i grab ur hand...hold it tightly...

u tried to make urself free...but...

im stronger ma...so...no way u're gonna be free...

i tot u'll got mad...but then...u continue making fun of me...

so...i juz hold ur hand...from 1utama...until i reach uni...

hahaha...i love that feeling...so...

unable to describe...^^

that's the end for to...day or night? haha...it's 1am already...gosh...

toodles guys~

 

love> study?

hmm...yesterday(since it's past 12am already)...

i woke up early...

slept at 3am that night...

woke up that early...

wondering wat is happening to my biological clock...@@

of coz...the first thing i tot when im awake was u...

u told me the other day that u're gonna reach school late...

hmm...

actually i hav class at 9am...

but...without ur existence...i got no mood to attend the class...

so...i decided to slack...

had a few match of sudden attack...

damn...those players...

how can they get headshot all the time???

*yeah...i noe i got off topic...hehe...*

the time i was longing for arrived...

i reached school...sms u wat time ur class ends...

so that we could hav lunch together...

u replied kinda late...

im starting to get frustrated already...

eventually...u replied...telling me that u're gonna skip ur class and go back earlier...

then i asked u wanna eat or not...

u didnt reply...

i wait and wait...

u still din reply...

so...i take my lunch with my frenz...

holding my handphone hoping that u're gonna reply me...

but...

haiz...u didnt...

after a few moment later...

u replied...telling me that u're out of credit...

gosh...i relieved...

after that...we continued sms-ing...

until night...u on msn...

i was waiting ur reply...

but u din...

after quite some time...

then u replied me...

i was emo already that time...

haiz...

we continued chatting...despite my emo...

i suddenly asked u...wat if i 1 day i dun bother u anymore...

u said u'll be sad...

then i give another condition...

"wat if other ppl dun bother u? is it the same?"

u said..."yes"

means u're treating me the same as others after all...

i asked u...

do u love me?

it's still the same old answer...u dunno...

haiz...

somehow i find this quote true...

爱情，需要的是感觉，不是时间，时间再久也不能让一不爱你的人爱上你，一个人，若是让你等了很久很久，那你该知道，他的心中根本就没有你，若是有你，他也会想要和你在一起...

gosh...weekends r tiring...

haha...nowadays...seldom update blog d...

probably bcoz im kinda lazy to blog...

and sometimes i juz got ntg to write here...

so is today...

ntg...

bored...

i texted u ytd...

u were watching some tv programme and desribing to me bout wat was happening there...

yeah...we had some conversation...

but...why must always me...

im always the one who start to sms...or msn u...

i noe u were busy...but at least...saying hello got no harm rite?

nvm...i promised myself not to emo...

but...if it's bcoz of that waiting period u told me...i wont be emo?

i dun really think so...

that promise u gave me...may juz an excuse after all...

but i couldnt understand...

why dun u juz reject me???

why must u agree going out with me...

1 on 1?

can't u juz reject it?

if u do hav feelings...

why must u deny that feeling?

why must u not think bout it?

why?

can't u juz be like me...

let ur feelings do the work?

hmm...nvm again...tmr will be a fine day...^^

我的第一次...

朋友们...这是我第一次在部落格上写华语...

如果有错字或语法上的问题，本人在此先说...对不起...^^

今天可说是又开心又悲哀...

今天我有考试...而且是我最讨厌的一科...

有好多现实的问题一直徘徊在我脑海里...

我一直都在想...我们读书的目的到底是在哪里...

如果读书能换取生命...那就有所不得...

但如果读得那么高，到最后却没命享受读出来的成果,这样...

我们读了那么多书不是浪费了吗?

咳...这世界就是这样的不公平...不想面对都难...

你答应我了今天会陪我去看戏...

十一点早上，我就在校门口等着你的来临...

等着等着...就看见我两位朋友...vincent 和chong han...

chong han 拿着一把guitar 给vincent...

不用问了，vincent 一定是要借用了...

不久...你就到了...我俩就开车到midvalley...

到了那边却得了一个坏消息...找不到地方泊车...

我们只好给了免费的parking钱然后往tropicana city mall 看戏...

到了那边，我们要看的戏太迟了...

最后，我们只好找个地方坐下来吃...

吃着的时候，我一直盯着你看你吃东西...

真的是可爱到我很想吻一下...

请别误会...我很喜欢吻一些可爱的东西...

例如我表妹，她经常被我强强地吻了几下...呵呵...

吃了之后，我们就到digital mall 的mcdonald 温习...

当中我们有说有笑...我还不知逗了你几次了...

在面子书看到别的男生send一些评语给你...

我却吃醋了...

这种情况下...我只好安慰自己...

如今我真的期待着你的答复...

真的很期待我跟你手拉手逛街的时候...

好累啊...几乎睡下去了...

我只好在这里停笔了哦...^^

1 of the best night i had...

actually im not gonna write much tonight...

the purpose i write this now is to prevent myself from getting super emo in the future...

we had a chat juz now...

u told me some of the thing that u keep in ur mind...

i said that i wan u to be my gf...

u tell me to wait u at sem 3...haha...

i was like...okay~ at least i got a time limit now...

the reason u asked me to wait is that u're afraid that ur parents would kill u...

"as if they would kill u...=.=!!"

haha...but nvm...watever the reason is...

at least i got a target now...

dun hav to guess everyday...

u told me that...if i cant wait till that time...

dun worry...juz go for other girls...

u're okay with it...

and u told me that u got an advice from ur fren that sounds like this...

"if u're unsure about ur feelings towards someone u ask him to wait...better dun ask him to wait"

yeah...it's true...

and u also tell me that...u may like some other guy already at that time...

i said...nvm...juz tell me the truth...it's always better than juz drag the problem...

i told u...for the time being...i cant accept any new girl...

kinda hard for me...

better concentrate on my studies and my game...

at the same time wait for u...

i promised myself...

if during sem 3...ur answer is no...

then i'll juz keep moving...

i wont be emo...

it's a promise to myself and to u...

it's an indicator of how much i love u...

thank you for everything...^^

today having bio test...

juz a few more hours...bio test is gonna start...

im not gonna write much today...

this morning when i woke up...

i wished that it was ur msg came...

but it doesnt..

i was rather moody bcoz of wat happened 2 days ago...

at 10am...i cant wait and i sms-ed u...

u replies r so cold...

so i decided not to bother u anymore...

and went 1u for lunch with my fren...

after lunch i had a nap for a while..

and then to cc for 3 hours...

haha...i noe im crazy^^

and lifeless...

later at night...we had a little chat...

u were confusing me with korean language which i couldn't understand...

so swt...

u successfully made andrew teo pissed!

hahaha...that's all...

sorry a...a bit short...really sleepy d...

my eyes r closing...

heyz~

hey~

there r few quote circulating around my mind now...

yeah...one of it is from my fren who reminded me...

when something is meant to be urs...it's urs...

and...girls will nv noe guys feeling and guys will nv noe girls feeling...

if u ask me why...i could only said...

i dunno...

this world is unfair after all...

this morning...i  woke up late...

having some problem with my biological clock already...

but nvm...

i still manage to reach on time...

im quite sorry to my sis for showing such an awful face to her early in the morning...

im tired...and to forget wat happened ytd is nv an easy task...

im glad that we went out after that bcoz we had quite a long break for our next class...

went out with u...but this time with my sis...

at first...i decided to juz...dun bother u...

but...i cant do it...

i cant show u my emo face...

im afraid that it might hurt u...

if u're hurt...

i may hurt even more...

i hate u...but love u at the same time...

but...u will never noe...

i could only hide my feelings...

and smile with u...

make fun of u...

but deep in my heart...

im suffering...

the feeling i had ytd had not fade...

i not i cant force...

but...

im a boy that act solely according to my feelings...

nv think b4 act...

i feel sorry if i offended anyone with that bad attitude of mine...

but...i wanna stress here...

no humans r perfect...

today...

i chatted with u...

but...i kinda made u angry...

to make the situation worse...

u're moody...

i didnt noe it after i noticed that u're kinda angry of my replies...

bcoz...it's still about ytd...

so...juz halfway i decided to stop...

maybe wait till ur mood gone better...

if u hates me already...

do tell me...i'll get away as far as possible...

it's hard for me...but...if that will make u feel better...

i'll do it...

i noe most ppl cant accept emo...

but...at least im proud to be emo...

i dun hide my feelings...

i wanna share out...

that's all for today...

toodles...

my whole day ruined by some stupid trip...

to reflect how emo i am today...

i decided to use red...

yeah red...

the colour of the blood...

the symbol of emo...

im...

seriously shit emo now...

why?

yesterday...

i overnight in cc until i reach home at 7am in the morning...

i was tired...

so...i slept until 11am...

when i woke up...i tot of you...

my fren called me...

he asked  me to go out with him...

at that very moment...

i was thinking...

i could ask u out...

so...i tell my fren that i'll go and fetch him at 12pm...

str8 away...i texted u...

asking u to go out with me...

u tell me that u dun wanna go out...

im fine with that...

but then...we chat through sms...

so i went to fetch my fren to the shopping complex...

throughout the day...we were sms-ing...

yeah...chatting...

suddenly u tell me that the ticket for harry potter is finished...

on that very moment...my good old fren..."jealous" comes again...

i was thinking..."is she going out with her frenz?;why dun she go out with me instead?"

but then...after that...u tell me that u're going out with ur sis...

u said that u wanna take her out relax for her upcoming spm...

okay im fine with that...

then we continue chat...

after that...i went back home and had a little nap...

i missed ur msg while sleeping and woke up str8 away after i got ur 2nd msg...

u told me that u're going to the night market in cheras...

immediately i called my fren to accompany me...

we reached there and i start searching for u...

i had a hard time looking for u as the place was crowded with ppl...

eventually, i met u...

but u were with another guy...ur best fren...

and ur sister...

yeah...im jealous again...

im very jealous at that time...

emo to the max...

at first u saw me...without greeting...

u straightaway enter kfc without telling me that the purpose u do so...

then i went in with u asking why u went in...

u said u wanna go in the toilet...

i waited for u outside...

then...

u came out...

and tell me that it's late...

u're gonna go back home...

again...the already emo state of me...

starting turning from bad to worse...

u noe how is the feeling when i'm emo and i need to smile and wish u and to the guy that u're together goodbye?

trust me...that feeling sux...

i went all the way...

15 minutes journey from my house...

juz to see u...for...i say...less than 1 minute?

i was hungry at first...

but then...

after all these...

i got no mood to eat anymore...

why...

im really emo now...

with no one that i could share my prob with...

someone that noe my feelings...

someone that noes how to comfort me...

i wish i had a person like this...

so that i could forget u...

u were making me suffer...

that's all for now..................................................................................

sigh~

here we go again...

im jealous...

this morning...

when im having lab session with u...

u were talking to some guys...

that guy got so close to u...

my good fren by the name of "jealous" comes again...

i mean...come on...

"stop being jealous...

she's not urs..." i thought...

yeah...you're not mine...

i shouldn't be jealous...

however...we went out again today...

we tease each other again...nice outing...

we went lunch together...

after our lunch...

when i was paying...

i gave the money to the waiter and he comes back with the change...

he gives the change to you...

and both of us throw him a confused look...

he smiled...and told us...

"same same lar"

lolx...im thrilled...

i can see that you're shy too...

haha...

then when we reach school...

i was wondering...

maybe u're juz tired...

ytd slept at 2am...lolx!

i slept at 3am...

all bcoz of that freaking report...

swt...

im wondering...

why u seems like no bothering me when in school or when there r frenz around...

u're shy or u juz...

find me when u're alone?

u tend to act differently

maybe it was my silly thinking after all...

i do think a lot^^

i think...that's all for me...haha...toodles~

confuseddddddddd...

swt...once again...i cant resist...

today...we hang out together again...

we were quite high today...

keep talk and talk...

i tease u...and u tease me...

and the best part...u hit me today...

wow...i feel...so...happy...

suddenly my mood...is better than usual...

i was on high 5!

after hanging out...when im in the lecture hall...

we continue sms-ing...

at first...i tell myself...

im juz treating her as fren...

no harm...

but slowly...

that feeling comes again...

that miss feeling...

if u noe...

u could feel it str8 at ur heart...

it's like..for 1 moment i din see her...

my heartbeat would stop...

i had already make myself fall very deep...

im kinda regret...

but...it's a nice experience though...

juz that...now im...confused...

whether it's love...or friendship...

aaaaarrrrggghhhhh....situation got worse...

yeah...juz like the title...my situation worsen...

i try and try...

it seems that giving up is not an option...

dunno why...

i received some of my test papers today...

i got bad results for all of them...

if i continue like this...i may end up repeating this sem again...

but...how...

i noe...from beginning till now...

im juz struggling myself...

making myself feel like that...

no more excuses for that...

i admit...

i feel sorry to myself...

why im like that...

im being selfish...

why...when im giving up...

jealousy still occurs?

why why why...

i cant be like this...

but...argh...

cant think...

having serious headache today...

maybe due to few sleepless night...

i could feel my body is burning...

gonna sick soon...

who's gonna care for me...

of coz not u...

u wouldn't even noe that im sick...

u dun even care...

it's ur nature...

i can't blame that...

i heard from my fren...

he got an advice from his girl friend...

she told him that...

girls enjoy the feeling being chased/ woo...

i noe...this is a fact...

many people would certainly agree with it...

but...wat i wanna stress here is...

why?

aren't human suppose to be the same? equal?

doesn't girls noe that...

boys r suffering from woo-ing them like that?

im not being a sexist here...

but...i was juz clarifying things...

why not we live fairly?

yeah...it's weird...thinking these questions...

but...think about it...

true?

it's kinda late...

gonna return back to my cruel world...