random~

Kinda bored today...hmm...

suddenly crossed my mind of my little blog here that I left it stranded for quite some time...

I've been looking other bloggers blog and I'm surprised that my blog here is a little...SIMPLE?
haha...okay okay...It's too simple...

My apologize...because I just don't have the time to manage blogs...

My current timetable is a little PACKED...yeah...so...SORRY! =)

love can touch us one time, and last for a lifetime~

picked from Celine Dion's My heart will go on...

a very touching song I could say...

I wonder what had happened to my love...

she seems happy though...

I having my Malaysian University English Test(MUET) speaking test this Tuesday...

she got the same time slot with me coincidentally...

I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad...

She meant the world for me once but now...I could only wish her luck from far...

she told me that she wished that she could change her time because she doesn't want to be in the same group with me...

oh gosh...how hurt could i be..

but I still could not totally forget her...

It takes some time I guess...nevermind...

I got 2 coursemate of mine that I feel that they're into each other...

but they're waiting each other make the first step...

I'm thinking...why must you wait when both fancy each other?

go on and start the relationship already!

the passing of Steve Jobs left us with a lot of qualities in life...

he lived his life to the fullest thinking that any day he would leave the world...

that's what we should learn from him...

to not regret!

finally..rest in peace...

the founder of Apple...(not the one that could be eaten)

you truly brought the world one step further...

well well well~

there's 2 side of me...

the happy one and the emo one..

this side of blog consists mainly my emo posts...

haiz...

it's been so long since the last time i update my blog...

i met another girl...she's quite ok...

i tot that...hmm...maybe she can be the next?

but then...one thing bad bout her is that...

i dun hav that kind of feeling at her like how i feel to my ex...

maybe i jz cant let go...

i dunno...

i keep thinking that i promised to wait her(my ex now)...

and maybe bcoz of that i jz cant accept others?

today i went sunway pyramid with my frenz...

and my god...most of the ppl there come in couple...

im kinda jealous looking at them...

and...i sudden think of wat we did last time...

although it's for a short while..

many things happened...

haiz...

till when can i wait...><

 

im okay~

recently...im feeling quite okay actually...

oh ya...bout that girl i was saying...im glad i jz had some crush on her...

i dun really love her...so...sorry for the wrong information!

man we're teenagers...it's kinda hard trying to differentiate feelings rite? haha

and here i am...still loving my ex!

wow...i mean...WOW...haha...i jz cant let go of her...

i can't believe im actually some romeo type guy...

nah...BE HUMBLE...

taahaa...i watched a horror movie named "ladda land" yesterday...

damn the movie's awesome...

i met a pretty little girl~

here she is...

hmm...the pic's not really clear...but...nvm...i noe she's pretty...

and then i jz started watching a teenage drama...

the actress is...

stunning!

and here she is...

awesome huh?

haha...

i guess that's it...ntg more for me to write today...=)

haiz~

i still not used to life without her...

i feel empty...like...i dunno...empty...

why is that so?

haiz...

suddenly...damn bored...

frens pursuing their degree...

only few left to accompany me...

and...i used to think bout her...

but now...i dun think that much...

my mood's going from bad to worse...

i had a fren...

she...also nd to stay back here due to bad results...

her roommate already pursue to degree...

she keep having bad mood bcoz she miss her roommate too much...

bcoz of that...she treat me very coldly...

why shud i care so much?

my fren said that i had feelings on her d...

is it true?

hope it's not...

if yes...

then...another drama will come soon...

i dun wan that...

swt...

life after break up...

currently listening to canon in d...

very soothing...

today i tot of many things...

suddenly so many things pop out in my mind...

i suddenly tot of my childhood memories...

i remembered last time when i was in primary school standard 5...

i had some frenz that will always ask me to play counter strike after school at the nearby cyber cafe...

it's kinda bad for someone aged like me go to such place...

hmm...wat to do...frenz...haha...

then...i tot of my fren i met in tuition...he's the bad-type-of-kid-ppl-always-saying...

cant blame him actually...studying is not his kind of thing...

so he might not act civilised...

but i like ppl like him...straightforward...

he wont be like those educated ppl...always thinking of taking advantage of others...

guess there's pros and cons...

hmm...bout my girl there...

i went kl that day to shift my things to the new room i rented...

after that...i asked her out for movies...

during the movie...i dunno why...i cant ctrl myself...

i took her hand and hold tightly...

she pushed me away...

but...im stronger of coz...she cant move...

then...as we get nearer to each other...

i kissed her...

i can see from her face that she really dislike my act...

but i jz cant ctrl myself and continue doing that...

after the movie ends...we then walk to the car...

in the car...i kissed her again...

after that...i made my journey to fetch her home...

on the way...she didnt talk to me...

she was so quiet and her facial expression shows that she's very angry with me...

she din reply my msg the whole day...haiz...

my bad actually...

i hate myself too...><

.

the really end~

yeah...

my first love...

ends jz like that...

i got no other fella to blame other than GOD...

my luck's really bad...

of so many universities...i wonder why i would end up studying in UTAR...

and...the year i enter is the first year they ever come out with such stupid course structure...

and...if not bcoz of UTAR...i wouldnt meet her...

why her?

she really changed my life...

she is the reason why i set up this blog...

i asked her again bout the incidence whr she went sushi with her frenz...

she explained...but not long after...

she stopped...and tell me that she's not gonna bother me anymore...

yeah...she did till today...

so i guess...that's the end of our friendship...

suddenly...i felt like saying this...

guys...if u somehow manage to find out that the girl u're after having princess behaviour...my advice...

dun go for it...

u'll 100% suffer!

regret?

do u realize that...

a little decision made on the past may affect ur future...

i always tot that loving her was a mistake...

she didn't even prepared to hav a relationship at all...

maybe my demands r higher...

but...

at least commit a little?

u told me few days back that u're sick...

i sent a few sms but u didn't reply at all...

i was very worried about u...

but u din even care to reply me...

if u're sick jz reply me that u're sick...

is it that hard to reply a few words msg?

later tonight u online...

i asked u whether u're okay or not...

u jz replied me a few words...

and continue doing ur things...

b4 this i enjoyed a few days trip with my frenz...

im quite happy when im back...

but now...the feelings haunt me once again...

i feel the gap between us already...

u treat me even worse than a fren now...

why...

i really dunno wat shud i do now...

im depressed...

hmm...i met her...

yesterday i told my cousin bout the monk and bowl story...

so in case u guys nv heard b4...

i'll tell u guys the story...

once upon a time^^...

there's a man come complaining to a monk...

he tell the monk he cant let go of smtg...

the monk remained silence and hand the man a bowl...

the man...holds the bowl wondering why the monk ask him to do so...

then the monk pour hot water into the bowl until it is overflow...

the man let go the bowl immediately and the bowl fall into pieces...

the man then ask why the monk do so...

the monk then tell the man...

there's no such thing that u can't let go...

once u feel the pain...u'll let go eventually...

the man...knowing wat is trying to be told by the monk...

pay refuge to the monk and left...

this story somehow taught me to let go things...

including her...

 

today is the first day of my exam!

yeah...that's why i met her...

i had a few conversations with her...

i felt that...the both of us already have a gap between each other...

i dunno why...

my feelings of getting closer to her seems disappear...

i wonder...is it bcoz we hadn't seen each other for quite sometime...

the feelings jz gone like that?

she smiled to me...

i can only hardly fake a smile...

i din even look at her...

and then i realize im somehow afraid talking to her...

she's almost like a stranger to me...

probably due to exams...

if so...i wish i had exam everyday so that i dun hav to think of her...

that feeling is so suffering...

tmr's paper is biology...

a tough subject for me...guess im gonna stop here...

wish me luck!

=)

it's a beautiful day...but it's not complete without u...

final's coming!!!

study study and study~

actually i didnt...

i was busy for the whole day ytd trying to find a JUSTIN BIEBER concert ticket for my sis...

well, thanks to my god sis for her transport...

i manage to get it...

today i went out with my sis at my hometown...

we watched "red riding hood" on the cinemas...

i would like to say the movie's kinda bored?

that's my personal opinion...

but overall it's okay...

i'll give a 6/10 rating for that...

bout my ex?

sigh...it's almost 2 weeks already...

it's nv easy to forget someone huh...

well...of coz it's hard...

especially it's someone u love so much...

i had a fren having almost the same situation with me...

they broke up and he's hoping that his ex would come back to him...

love changes human...

from an impatient being...

we slowly learn how to be patient...

some changed their bad habits for their loves one...

love...

is so powerful...

when i was reading statuses posted by my frens in fb...

i came across some girl posted a status update saying...

"somehow love is never the priority in my life. but i'm looking forward for someone who can change it."

she's not really a fren of mine as i only seen her face to face once...

she's no doubt beautiful...haha...

hope she din read my post here...*fingers croseed*

the point is...when i haven't met my ex...

i had the same thinking with this beautiful girl here...

now she(my ex) really changed my opinion and i tot that love is not GAY for a guy...

LOL...

yeah...somehow guys that always talk bout love seem gay...

i dunno...some species of guys tot so...

love~ hmm...

well...hope tmr's a better day~

1 week already...

tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow...

creeps in this petty pace from day to day...

to the last syllabus of recorded time...

and all our yesterdays have lighted fools...

the way to dusty death...

out, out brief candle!

life's but a walking shadow...

a poor player...

that struts and frets at his hour upon the stage...

and then is heard no more...

it is a tale...

told by an IDIOT...

full of sound and fury...

signifying nothing...

-william shakespear-

my current situation reminds me of my time in secondary school...

whr i was studying this poem as a literature component...

back on that time...i tot this poem was jz a bullshit...

i was having a carefree lifestyle...

i lived my life with joy everyday...

im an active music member and me and my frenz spent most of our time practising for our upcoming performance or competition...

we had so much fun together despite some misunderstanding that may cause us to fight sometimes...

but...that's part of life wasn't it?

HOWEVER~

when i enter university life...it seems like my days in heaven comes to an end...

i met a girl i like..

i flirted her...

we coupled...

now we break...

it's like a cycle...

from stranger we become friends...

from friends we become couple...

from couple we become stranger...

and now...slowly turning into enemies...

life seems sux for me now...

jz like the poem...

creeps in this petty pace from day to day...

time's moving so slowly...

but dun worry...im not gonna end my life that soon...

i had a dream to fulfill...

but...

how could i continue from now?

when would i pursue my dreams?

i jz came back to my "hostel" from my hometown...

i realized i forgotten to bring my broadband...

so...im unable to online for these few weeks...

my finals' coming in a week time...

guess...it's time for me study study and study...

now im onlining at my fren's house...

thank him for letting me online...

guess that's all this time...

so in the end...she still refuse to forgive me...

so...that's the thing...she still...can't forgive me...

i understand the pain she had...

but...din she try to understand me too?

she's rather not to be hurt than leaving me like this...

is she selfish?

dun she noe that she's sad im sad too?

she wan us to remain fren...

but let me ask...

after coupling for almost 3 months...

everytime i see her after our separation...

i wont feel anything huh?

i wont hurt huh?

why she dun give me a chance?

why?

now it's either i str8 forget her...

or... we get back together again...

i wont be that silly to be frenz with her...

with such selfish attitude...(in my opinion)

she's not even worth it...

now...

i gave up on love...

my studies...i let it be...im sure that it would turn from bad to worse...

my chem lecturer keep finding for me bcoz i did badly for my recent chem test...

and i think my bio din reach the passing mark too...

my best subject...maths...i think is around the border line...

wat had happened to me...

1 girl? ruin my life...

gosh...

forgiveness...

yeah...bout the topic...

everyone here noes that i need a forgiveness desperately...

and...talking bout this...i suddenly recalled a malay movie i watched long time ago...

that movie was about a man who was jailed for burglary...

after he was released from the jail...he searched for his family...

eventually, he found his family...but...his family...thought it was a disgrace having him with them...

so...knowing that he could no longer stay in this family...

he left...

he looked for jobs...but everyone in the city noes bout his past...

they throw a disgusted look at him...looking down at him...some even throw rotten eggs at him...

he endured all of that...

started opening a stall repairing shoes whr he learnt the skill during his days in the prison...

he received minimal income...but...at least enough for him to earn a living...

one day...there's 1 lady walk pass his stall...

she fell down while she walks...this cobbler step forward to help her by carrying her handbag...

that lady...doesn't express gratitude but accused the cobbler for trying to snatch her handbag...

she threatened to bring him to the police station...

he tried to explain but that lady insisted that she was right...

after a few minutes of argument...an onlooker...who so happened to see the whole incidence explained to the lady...

that passerby told the lady..."everyone has the rights to correct his/her mistakes...

but if u dun even give him a chance to correct his mistakes...

he would only do the same mistakes again as ppl already thought that he would only do again and again..."

in chinese...we said...做人不要太绝...毕竟都是人...总要留一点的生路让他改变...

that lady finally acknowledge that she was wrong...

she apologised and left shyly...

the moral of the story is...no matter how bad a person was in the past...

as long as he's willing to correct his wrong...we should give him a chance... 

DUMB~

walao...i really use my ass to think...

do liao smtg then regret...wat the hell...

i really hate her for doing those to me...

but...

why must i feel so depressed...damn...

whyyyyy...

now she din reply me...

wat is she doing???

im darn worried...

nooooo...

sorry readers...i really stupid...

foolish...

dumb...

finally...the end of this story...

hmm...as expected...lost my car...lost my friendship...lost my studies...

now...im almost reaching to lose my relationship!!! hahaha...

i dunno lar...jz feel that...in a relationship...

wat we must hav is...communication...

and also...both party must be committed...

no doubt everyone would agree bout this...but...how many actually do it?

i've got this experience whr...i dunno...

maybe it's my prob or smtg...but...

seriously...i feel that...if u dunno well about the girl/boy that u think u like...

my suggestion is...dun go for it...

as time passes...u would noe...the weakness of the other...

if u cant accept it...u'll only get disappointment...

then...no point continuing that relationship...

both would suffer...wat's the point right?

u would think that i might be bullshitting here...but...

since u made an effort to read this...why not jz continue?

but...of coz...if it's really irritating u...then...my apologize...u may go to the X button and click it...

hmm...wat happened today?

actually it's kinda epic...haha...

actually u shud read yesterday's post b4 reading this...

ytd i talk bout me asking her out~

yeah...me asking her out...and she rejected me...sad case~ haha...

so...today...i heard from my fren that...wow...

she went out eating with her other frenz~

amazing wasn't it???

she... told me...that she's tired...but... end up eating with her frenz! haha! nice rite?

and yeah...bcoz of that...im gonna break up with her...that's enough...

after all i tolerated...that's it...

bye bye my lover...oops...now i hate her..^^

do u noe that the more u love someone...if he/she...so happened to made u hate her...gosh...

u dun wanna noe...it's like he/she...jz killed that someone u loved so much...

that feeling...gosh...that's so much hatred!

yeah...u must be wondering that im crazy or wat...

no!

im happy with it...

H-A-P-P-Y!

finally...TATA^^ 

p/s:no more writing this blog i guess...

unlucky...

im a very unlucky person...

no doubt...i jz lost my car...an EZ850 kancil...

the car's almost 20 years since it was first bought by...i got no idea who was it...nvm...not important...

the point is...it's a kancil...who on earth would wan a kancil?

if u really wanna sell it...well...it worth 4k i guess...but...

why risk being caught for jz 4k? u can jz take any honda civic around...

it'll earn u more...and...the punishment is the same...

why...there's so many kancils...why mine?

i nd it to go school...i nd it to bring myself for meal...

i nid it to spend time with her...

now...it's gone...i nd to walk to school...

i nid to walk to eat...

and...i cant meet her...

i dun understand...why loving someone could be so hard...

she tell me she loves me...

but...why...watever she did doesnt show that she loves me?

why?

i dun understand...she doesnt tell me anything...

she doesnt tell me wat she feel...

we got limited time together...

why?

not only these...my parents...give me pressure everytime im back home...

my father jz rush and wanna open my fren's car door...

my fren lock the door and jz drive away...my dad knock my fren's windows =.=!!
wat the hell...
now she keeps emo me...haiz...FML

i jz dun understand...

yeah...i had a gf now...but...

i still cant get away from emoness...

why???

there she goes...my gf...yeah...gf a.k.a. girlfriend...

wat do girlfriend do?

well...the main thing is of coz...

love her bf...

and...yeah...of coz...care her bf's feeling...

now...wat happens to me is that...

i dun understand wat my gf understand...

sounds blur...but yeah...it's jz as simple as that...

i repeat again...i dun understand wat my gf understand!

hmm...i told her that i would like to see her everyday if im allowed to do so...

so she's ok with it...

and...i offer to fetch her back so that i could see her...

it's bcoz...we're kinda in an underground relationship...

she doesn't wan anyone to noe bout us bcoz she's afraid that her mum will get to noe this...

im fine with it...

so...1 day after class...i followed her and she ask me why do i follow her?

and i ask her back..."i tot im suppose to fetch u home?"

she said..."no, since when?"

then i was like...huh? hello...i jz told u ytd?

then wat she could do is jz tell me sorry...

ppl...if everything is as easy as sorry...world war I or world war II wouldn't exist...am i right?

and wat could i do? i could only said nvm...

but in my heart...the sorrow within...gosh...i couldn't describe...

then...move on to the other story...

i asked her our for a movie...

her mother dun allow her...

i can't do anything...so...im ok with it...

but i ask her can she accompany me for my meal...

then she said she's ok...

then today when im on my way...i ask her whr to eat...

she tell me she wanna go back home...

again...i was like...HUH??? HELLO??? U GONNA FFK ME AGAIN???

so...that's the story...how many more can i tolerate...it's jz a question mark...

and..im currently starving...moody...loss my appetite to eat...FML~

wow! it's been a while!

wow~ when was the last time i post??? haha...almost 2 months...

yeah i noe...very lame...question and answer myself...

but nvm...today is the last day of february...so...

im planning to refresh my emo blog...

hmm...wat happened to me last 2 months???

im sure most of u guys who read this r anxious in knowing wat i did in this 2 months...

actually...she accepted me...

i dunno why...

but yes...she accepted me...

after all this emo...and almost giving up...

and the day i ask her again...

i was prepared to receive her long anticipated answer...

that day was my birthday...

2nd january 2011...

the day i turned 19...

she wished me happy birthday and asked me wat i wan for my present...

so i tell her...

"i wan ur answer..."

she tell me...

"ok...i will tell u...but after today..."

so i waited till 12am...and asked her again...

i prepared myself already with 2 bars of chocolate in front of me...

so...here she was...

she told me...yes...

i was like...wat?

why?

i asked again..."r u sure?"

she said yes...

but with condition...

she said...her parents would not accept her having a relationship...

so...she gave me a condition that...we can only act as fren in public...

and...i...was fine with it...

and there we go...

me and her start coupling...

i had a few problems with her...

she...seemed blur...

she told me that she dunno wat to do as a gf...

and i always tot that she neglected me...

and so...i still emo...even after coupling...

bcoz...it makes no diff...

but...she did change after i tell her her mistake...

but...it seemed like im coupling with myself instead of her...

nvm...i love her...that's wat matters...><

the end~ taahaa~

it's a new year...

the first day of new year...made me so emo...

that my heart is like thousands of blade stabbed me...

u sent a new year greeting to me...

my mood's still not recover after deciding to give up on u...

i replied coldly to u...

my heart's pain was doubled at that time...

it's very hard for me to press the send button...

eventually i did it...

i really was in pain sending that to u...

but...who cares...

no one cares bout me...

especially u...

im always smiling outside...

but inside it's so hurt...

why im so fool...

it's so obvious that u dun like me...

delaying my question...cold towards me whenever i talk bout this...

but i still...trying to hope that miracle would happen...

i noe it wouldn't mean much to u...

but to me...it's everything...

bcoz i noe clearly that i love you...

but...wat to do...things won't always happen as we wish...

wat i hope now is...

i could forget u...

stop finding u...

begin my new life...

in this new year...

if i jz can't forget...then...i'll jz hav to accept the fact and continue emo...

till eternity...