i think the story ends here...

i wont be posting anything bout u here anymore...
i've ended my misery...
although im kinda bored now...
with nothing else to think...
but at least...
im not sad...
this blog gonna be my memories...
so long...

the forgetting cycle goes on and on again...

yeah...once again...
i told myself...
i forgotten u d...
i stopped thinking of you...
but i nv noe wat will i feel tmr...
but i think...
this is the last...
i respect u for making more frenz...
im totally diff from u...
im not that affable...
perhaps...
we really not destined to be together...
i will save this blog as my memories forever...

i feel disappointed...

i asked a fren of yours...
wat type of guy do u like...
she told me that you say...
u dun like any type of guys...
you juz wanna make more frenz...
from there i knew that...
u dun hav target by now...
i even asked...
did i attract u...
you replied no...
although im not sure whether u trying to lie or wat...
i feel disappointed...
maybe i can only treat u as fren...

it's almost the time for me...

it's almost the time for me to choose...
whether to continue liking you...
or juz ignore you...
i hate this...
we're gonna be in diff class soon...
maybe u wont feel anything...
but...
i...
seriously sad...
i dunno wat to do...
i seriously feel blank now...

im jealous again...

i can't find the reason why...
u asked him to book a place for u instead of me...
am i still a stranger to u???
i wish i could juz treat u as a fren...
tried a couple of times...but still failed...
im trapped in this dilemma...
i dunno wat to do...
my studies r seriously affected...
i tot of u all the time...
im not sure whether u think the same too...
finals r coming...
whether wan or dun wan...
i need to concentrate my studies now...
argh!!!

neutral...

i dun feel sad nor happy today...
i see you...you see me...
we're both juz like strangers in real world...
but in online virtual world...
we're so close...
maybe both of us r too shy...
and im the one got to be blame...
im a guy but i expect u to talk to me...
that's why i can't juz go emo for no reason...
i realize that it's my fault...

im a thinker...

sometimes...
i realized i think too much...
i noe...
but...
i juz cant stop myself...
im to obsessed of you...
for some reason...
i dunno why...
i wanted to chat with you tonight...
but...too bad...i missed...
i went shopping with my family till late at night...
im regretting now...
although the last time i chat with u is this afternoon...
although it's only after a few hours...
but...i felt like i left u for years...
that feeling...
haizzz...

i screwed up...

yesterday...
me and my frenz including you went breakfast in a cafe nearby...
after that...
we had a "photography" session outside the cafe...
we took several pictures...
then one of my fren suggested that i shud take a pic with u...
both of us rejected at first...
but eventually...
we managed to take a pic...
then...
we went uni continue our class as usual...
after the classes ended...
i started my journey back my hometown...
i was kinda bored in the bus so i decided to text you...
but...
u told me u're gonna bath so i didnt wan to bother u...
after reaching my hometown...
i online...
and i saw u online too in msn...
u seems got problem but u dun wanna share with me...
i feel...
disappointed...
>.<...

hmm...

i realize my last post there's some mistake and quite blur...
so...this is my edited version
haiz...
actually i had a fine morning today...
but then...
my mood was spoiled by some naive friends...
they made fun of me and my "twin"...
saying that i love her or smtg...
then they told the whole class she's my gf and stuff...
they juz dun grow up...
18 years old d...
still...
acting like a kid...
im not really worried wat they told my twin as she noes my secret...
she noes that i loves YOU...
yeah...im afraird it'll cr8 a misunderstanding in you...
so...i emo-ed the whole day...
until my classes finished and i was on my way back...
you waved goodbye to me...
i was so happy...
but im not sure whether you really waved to me or r there any other person behind me...
but the feeling of you waving back to me drives me back to my track...
once again...i thank you very much...
you are my drug after all...

mixed feeling...

yeah...as always...
if somehow i manage to plot a graph of my mood...
im sure it wont have a straight line...
so as my feelings towards u...
i can see that u're the girl with the most attention in class...
i notice that im not the only one who have feelings toward u...
one of them is my fren...
he's much daring compared to me...
i noe i can't compare myself to him...
it's ridiculous...
he sat with u today...
both of u joked with each other...
i only manage to come out with a fake smile...
afraid of my other classmate sense my jealousy...
but...
im quite lucky i had few closer fren with me which i can talk and joke with...
we had some boys talk and enjoyed the whole lecture...
for the first time...
im not feeling sleepy in the class...
which in turn...
helped me a lot...
i wish u all the best...
u had the rights to choose...
while i dun hav any rights to stop u from talking with other guys...

another lousy day...

u...
i dunno wat u hav in u that makes me so obsessed...
i went karaoke today...with my fren...
there were only 2 of us...
we enjoyed...
but then...
upon reaching uni...
my other fren...
told me that u r asking help from another guy...
on that split second...
sense of jealousy conquered my emotion...
i cant think...
i only managed to make up a fake smile to cover my jealousy...
how come???
i should not be jealous already...
is it that hard to forget a person???

confused...

im not sure whether i like u or not...
really not sure...
the feeling of jealous fades...
i no longer feel jealous...
or maybe i did feel it but i purposely ignore it...
i really need to noe wat u feel towards me...
haiz...

haiz...

hanging out alone in a room at my uni...
loneliness surrounds me...
i can see that u were cold to me...
i din mind...
perhaps it's my destiny...
anyway...
thanks for your company...
both of us were sending msg to each other in poetic form...
i appreciate it...
i'll treat u only as fren...do not worry...

bored...

my fren asked me out today...
but i rejected...
bcoz u tell me u were considering to go out with me...
i waited until 12pm...
ur msg saying that u cant go...
nvm...
i think u juz dun wanna go out with me...
and...
going out with me...
seems so weird...
or maybe u juz wanna study for tmr's test...
in the end...
im rotting in my room...
doing this blog...
waiting for someone...
to accompany me...

at last...

although...
u juz drawn a simple drawing...
im satisfied...
bcoz...
at least u drawn for me...
even if it's not u drawn from u...
i still appreciate it...
thanks...

saturday...

im chatting with you...
we're talking bout why i emo...
i really wanted to show u this blog...
i really really wanted to...
i told u bout the consequences after i show u...
then u rejected...
since u dun wanna noe...
then i wont force u...
it's better be this way...
im afraid u wont even accept me as ur fren...
i'd rather the one suffering is me...than both of us suffer together...>.<

hmm...

at last...
i managed to wish goodbye to u...
it's not easy to me at first...
but somehow...
i succeeded in completing my "homework"...
im not sure what's my "teacher" gonna teach me for the next step...
but...
im sure...
it's gonna be another hard task for me...
today...
i also asked u about the emo picture i asked u to draw...
u say u'll send me...
so...
im waiting now...
nevertheless...
everytime i tot of u gonna leave me...
i feel...
sad...

haiz...

at last...
u online tonight...
but...
after receiving some cold replies...
i somehow...
guess that maybe you're doing ur revision for tmr's test...
nvm...
i'll be alright after posting this...

im down...

yeah...
it's confirmed...
you'll not be in the same class with me d...
maybe it's the best for me...
coz...
i've no confidence of myself...
i dun dare to talk to u...
in the end...
i need to suffer myself...
sometimes i tot of myself...
so silly....
emo-ing for smtg i dun dare to do...
it'll over soon...
i guess...

kinda happy...

i reached uni today...
kinda happy...
coz u chatted with me till late at night...
although ur replies r cold...
im glad...
at least u replied me...
i went to the canteen...
while talking with my frenz...
u suddenly came...
i feel so happy...
when i got to noe that...
u came to sit with me...
my fren asked me...
why i didn't talk to u...
i kept quiet...
coz i noe...
im wrong...
sorry...
i juz dun hav the courage to talk to u...
im not sure r u waiting for me to talk to u or not...
if yes...
i deeply apologize...
as i noe...
i disappointed u...
sorry...

im blown...

i dunno how...
but somehow...
my fren managed to trap me...
i admitted to them...
that i like her...
im worried...
wat if they tell her bout this...
how am i gonna face her...
hate to think bout this...
argh...

i dunno...

currently confused...
do i really like her?
our first semester is coming to an end...
most probably we wont be in the same class again...
that kind of feeling...
it's like...
someone so important in my life left me...
i feel so...
empty...
maybe leaving her is something good...
so that i won't suffer that much...
i need someone advice...
but...
i realize that...
i dun have anyone to complain to...
sigh...

2nd day...

mood's kinda good...
i think i could control my emotions already...
which is a good news for me...
but...
i still like you...
my fren told me...
"why must u so emo...
no girlfriend will die meh?"
i actually wanna answer...
not that i need a girlfriend now...
it's that feeling of liking her...
but cant tell her my feelings...
is making me so emo...
nevermind...
at least im feeling good today...
i tried to call her today...
at least i got an excuse to call her...
but...
the line's bad...
cant reach her...
maybe it's my destiny...

yeah...day 1 ended...

going to sleep...
tmr's a new day...
i noe...
to u...
im juz a normal person...
u wouldn't care bout me...
i wish u good luck...
u're a diff person from me...
after looking at ur photos...
i realize...
that...
i maybe...
din like u at all...
im juz fooling myself...
i'll let time be my remedy...
i'll be waiting for my true one...
if you're really the one...
wait for me...
i'll try my best...
to make you happy...
i hope...
this is the first...
and the last day...
for me...
to post...
in this blog...
bye...

day 1 almost ended...

waiting for ur presense...
but i realize that...
u're not there...
im sad...
disappointed...
it's not a pleasant moment for me...
but at least...
i got to tell out everything here...
without anyone knowing...
wish u good luck in your test...
=.=...

1st day of posting...

i...
for the first time...
liked someone so deeply...
the shyness in me...
would never fade...
what should i do...
forget her?
whenever i saw her...
my heart starts pounding so hard...
i hardly breath...
this feeling...
i hate it a lot...
i cant concentrate in my studies...
why...
i noe...
she must be thinking that im playing a fool...
i wished i could tell her my feelings...
but...
sigh...
im disappointed to myself...
the only thing i can do is...
to wish her happy...

sigh~

yesterday...i...feel down...
the feeling of jealousness...
surrounds me...
wat to do...
it's my fault...
dun dare to do anything...
she's affecting my studies...
cant concentrate...
when will this ends...