life after break up...

currently listening to canon in d...

very soothing...

today i tot of many things...

suddenly so many things pop out in my mind...

i suddenly tot of my childhood memories...

i remembered last time when i was in primary school standard 5...

i had some frenz that will always ask me to play counter strike after school at the nearby cyber cafe...

it's kinda bad for someone aged like me go to such place...

hmm...wat to do...frenz...haha...

then...i tot of my fren i met in tuition...he's the bad-type-of-kid-ppl-always-saying...

cant blame him actually...studying is not his kind of thing...

so he might not act civilised...

but i like ppl like him...straightforward...

he wont be like those educated ppl...always thinking of taking advantage of others...

guess there's pros and cons...

hmm...bout my girl there...

i went kl that day to shift my things to the new room i rented...

after that...i asked her out for movies...

during the movie...i dunno why...i cant ctrl myself...

i took her hand and hold tightly...

she pushed me away...

but...im stronger of coz...she cant move...

then...as we get nearer to each other...

i kissed her...

i can see from her face that she really dislike my act...

but i jz cant ctrl myself and continue doing that...

after the movie ends...we then walk to the car...

in the car...i kissed her again...

after that...i made my journey to fetch her home...

on the way...she didnt talk to me...

she was so quiet and her facial expression shows that she's very angry with me...

she din reply my msg the whole day...haiz...

my bad actually...

i hate myself too...><

.

the really end~

yeah...

my first love...

ends jz like that...

i got no other fella to blame other than GOD...

my luck's really bad...

of so many universities...i wonder why i would end up studying in UTAR...

and...the year i enter is the first year they ever come out with such stupid course structure...

and...if not bcoz of UTAR...i wouldnt meet her...

why her?

she really changed my life...

she is the reason why i set up this blog...

i asked her again bout the incidence whr she went sushi with her frenz...

she explained...but not long after...

she stopped...and tell me that she's not gonna bother me anymore...

yeah...she did till today...

so i guess...that's the end of our friendship...

suddenly...i felt like saying this...

guys...if u somehow manage to find out that the girl u're after having princess behaviour...my advice...

dun go for it...

u'll 100% suffer!

regret?

do u realize that...

a little decision made on the past may affect ur future...

i always tot that loving her was a mistake...

she didn't even prepared to hav a relationship at all...

maybe my demands r higher...

but...

at least commit a little?

u told me few days back that u're sick...

i sent a few sms but u didn't reply at all...

i was very worried about u...

but u din even care to reply me...

if u're sick jz reply me that u're sick...

is it that hard to reply a few words msg?

later tonight u online...

i asked u whether u're okay or not...

u jz replied me a few words...

and continue doing ur things...

b4 this i enjoyed a few days trip with my frenz...

im quite happy when im back...

but now...the feelings haunt me once again...

i feel the gap between us already...

u treat me even worse than a fren now...

why...

i really dunno wat shud i do now...

im depressed...