life after break up...

currently listening to canon in d...

very soothing...

today i tot of many things...

suddenly so many things pop out in my mind...

i suddenly tot of my childhood memories...

i remembered last time when i was in primary school standard 5...

i had some frenz that will always ask me to play counter strike after school at the nearby cyber cafe...

it's kinda bad for someone aged like me go to such place...

hmm...wat to do...frenz...haha...

then...i tot of my fren i met in tuition...he's the bad-type-of-kid-ppl-always-saying...

cant blame him actually...studying is not his kind of thing...

so he might not act civilised...

but i like ppl like him...straightforward...

he wont be like those educated ppl...always thinking of taking advantage of others...

guess there's pros and cons...

hmm...bout my girl there...

i went kl that day to shift my things to the new room i rented...

after that...i asked her out for movies...

during the movie...i dunno why...i cant ctrl myself...

i took her hand and hold tightly...

she pushed me away...

but...im stronger of coz...she cant move...

then...as we get nearer to each other...

i kissed her...

i can see from her face that she really dislike my act...

but i jz cant ctrl myself and continue doing that...

after the movie ends...we then walk to the car...

in the car...i kissed her again...

after that...i made my journey to fetch her home...

on the way...she didnt talk to me...

she was so quiet and her facial expression shows that she's very angry with me...

she din reply my msg the whole day...haiz...

my bad actually...

i hate myself too...><

.

the really end~

yeah...

my first love...

ends jz like that...

i got no other fella to blame other than GOD...

my luck's really bad...

of so many universities...i wonder why i would end up studying in UTAR...

and...the year i enter is the first year they ever come out with such stupid course structure...

and...if not bcoz of UTAR...i wouldnt meet her...

why her?

she really changed my life...

she is the reason why i set up this blog...

i asked her again bout the incidence whr she went sushi with her frenz...

she explained...but not long after...

she stopped...and tell me that she's not gonna bother me anymore...

yeah...she did till today...

so i guess...that's the end of our friendship...

suddenly...i felt like saying this...

guys...if u somehow manage to find out that the girl u're after having princess behaviour...my advice...

dun go for it...

u'll 100% suffer!

regret?

do u realize that...

a little decision made on the past may affect ur future...

i always tot that loving her was a mistake...

she didn't even prepared to hav a relationship at all...

maybe my demands r higher...

but...

at least commit a little?

u told me few days back that u're sick...

i sent a few sms but u didn't reply at all...

i was very worried about u...

but u din even care to reply me...

if u're sick jz reply me that u're sick...

is it that hard to reply a few words msg?

later tonight u online...

i asked u whether u're okay or not...

u jz replied me a few words...

and continue doing ur things...

b4 this i enjoyed a few days trip with my frenz...

im quite happy when im back...

but now...the feelings haunt me once again...

i feel the gap between us already...

u treat me even worse than a fren now...

why...

i really dunno wat shud i do now...

im depressed...

hmm...i met her...

yesterday i told my cousin bout the monk and bowl story...

so in case u guys nv heard b4...

i'll tell u guys the story...

once upon a time^^...

there's a man come complaining to a monk...

he tell the monk he cant let go of smtg...

the monk remained silence and hand the man a bowl...

the man...holds the bowl wondering why the monk ask him to do so...

then the monk pour hot water into the bowl until it is overflow...

the man let go the bowl immediately and the bowl fall into pieces...

the man then ask why the monk do so...

the monk then tell the man...

there's no such thing that u can't let go...

once u feel the pain...u'll let go eventually...

the man...knowing wat is trying to be told by the monk...

pay refuge to the monk and left...

this story somehow taught me to let go things...

including her...

 

today is the first day of my exam!

yeah...that's why i met her...

i had a few conversations with her...

i felt that...the both of us already have a gap between each other...

i dunno why...

my feelings of getting closer to her seems disappear...

i wonder...is it bcoz we hadn't seen each other for quite sometime...

the feelings jz gone like that?

she smiled to me...

i can only hardly fake a smile...

i din even look at her...

and then i realize im somehow afraid talking to her...

she's almost like a stranger to me...

probably due to exams...

if so...i wish i had exam everyday so that i dun hav to think of her...

that feeling is so suffering...

tmr's paper is biology...

a tough subject for me...guess im gonna stop here...

wish me luck!

=)

it's a beautiful day...but it's not complete without u...

final's coming!!!

study study and study~

actually i didnt...

i was busy for the whole day ytd trying to find a JUSTIN BIEBER concert ticket for my sis...

well, thanks to my god sis for her transport...

i manage to get it...

today i went out with my sis at my hometown...

we watched "red riding hood" on the cinemas...

i would like to say the movie's kinda bored?

that's my personal opinion...

but overall it's okay...

i'll give a 6/10 rating for that...

bout my ex?

sigh...it's almost 2 weeks already...

it's nv easy to forget someone huh...

well...of coz it's hard...

especially it's someone u love so much...

i had a fren having almost the same situation with me...

they broke up and he's hoping that his ex would come back to him...

love changes human...

from an impatient being...

we slowly learn how to be patient...

some changed their bad habits for their loves one...

love...

is so powerful...

when i was reading statuses posted by my frens in fb...

i came across some girl posted a status update saying...

"somehow love is never the priority in my life. but i'm looking forward for someone who can change it."

she's not really a fren of mine as i only seen her face to face once...

she's no doubt beautiful...haha...

hope she din read my post here...*fingers croseed*

the point is...when i haven't met my ex...

i had the same thinking with this beautiful girl here...

now she(my ex) really changed my opinion and i tot that love is not GAY for a guy...

LOL...

yeah...somehow guys that always talk bout love seem gay...

i dunno...some species of guys tot so...

love~ hmm...

well...hope tmr's a better day~

1 week already...

tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow...

creeps in this petty pace from day to day...

to the last syllabus of recorded time...

and all our yesterdays have lighted fools...

the way to dusty death...

out, out brief candle!

life's but a walking shadow...

a poor player...

that struts and frets at his hour upon the stage...

and then is heard no more...

it is a tale...

told by an IDIOT...

full of sound and fury...

signifying nothing...

-william shakespear-

my current situation reminds me of my time in secondary school...

whr i was studying this poem as a literature component...

back on that time...i tot this poem was jz a bullshit...

i was having a carefree lifestyle...

i lived my life with joy everyday...

im an active music member and me and my frenz spent most of our time practising for our upcoming performance or competition...

we had so much fun together despite some misunderstanding that may cause us to fight sometimes...

but...that's part of life wasn't it?

HOWEVER~

when i enter university life...it seems like my days in heaven comes to an end...

i met a girl i like..

i flirted her...

we coupled...

now we break...

it's like a cycle...

from stranger we become friends...

from friends we become couple...

from couple we become stranger...

and now...slowly turning into enemies...

life seems sux for me now...

jz like the poem...

creeps in this petty pace from day to day...

time's moving so slowly...

but dun worry...im not gonna end my life that soon...

i had a dream to fulfill...

but...

how could i continue from now?

when would i pursue my dreams?

i jz came back to my "hostel" from my hometown...

i realized i forgotten to bring my broadband...

so...im unable to online for these few weeks...

my finals' coming in a week time...

guess...it's time for me study study and study...

now im onlining at my fren's house...

thank him for letting me online...

guess that's all this time...

so in the end...she still refuse to forgive me...

so...that's the thing...she still...can't forgive me...

i understand the pain she had...

but...din she try to understand me too?

she's rather not to be hurt than leaving me like this...

is she selfish?

dun she noe that she's sad im sad too?

she wan us to remain fren...

but let me ask...

after coupling for almost 3 months...

everytime i see her after our separation...

i wont feel anything huh?

i wont hurt huh?

why she dun give me a chance?

why?

now it's either i str8 forget her...

or... we get back together again...

i wont be that silly to be frenz with her...

with such selfish attitude...(in my opinion)

she's not even worth it...

now...

i gave up on love...

my studies...i let it be...im sure that it would turn from bad to worse...

my chem lecturer keep finding for me bcoz i did badly for my recent chem test...

and i think my bio din reach the passing mark too...

my best subject...maths...i think is around the border line...

wat had happened to me...

1 girl? ruin my life...

gosh...